Excerpts from my Upcoming Book

I AM going to get this book written by the end of August -- I'm only 30,000 words in, but the more I write the more momentum I pick up and the more I end up writing each day. I'm actually so excited about it, there aren't any words to describe it (except for the 30,000 that I've already written).

So here are a few bits and pieces from it that I like.

I had already read all of the relevant chapters to the upcoming exam; I’d looked over all of the notes from the year, making sure I knew all the important points; memorized the most critical points/influential theories; then at 2:49 realized that I must be getting tired, as on a sheet of notes I had written the title as “Summary of Clitoral Points/Influential Theories.”

He was not to be deterred that easily though! When the hug was over, he immediately went in for a kiss.
This frustrated me so much. It had been a great night, and I had clearly given him absolutely no signals indicating that I was interested. And I was staying at his house, and it was only the start of the weekend! Here was the potential for things to become extremely awkward. I couldn't blatantly reject him or just say no, because that could cause some extreme awkwardness. And I didn't want to seem ungrateful -- not that having me as a houseguest entitles him to anything.
So, in that second, I suddenly became very drunk. I teetered a bit and my head wobbled. Somehow when I went in to reciprocate his kiss my head slipped and I missed his mouth and my lips ended up on his cheek (Tradgedy!). I planted a big, loud Bugs Bunnyesque kiss on his cheek, complete with a loud "MUUUUAHHHHH!!" When I pulled away, then I said (again, loudly) "AWWWWW!" The kind of 'aw' you would use if you just saw a puppy clumsily fall. Then I said "goodnight"" and fell into bed.
Crisis averted! He left and I fell asleep.

The cubicles were full and we waited, which gave me time to think of all sorts of unpleasant possibilities (all of which involved some sort of unpleasant violation of my personal privacy - and I don't mean the reading my diary sort of violation).
When there was finally a vacant cubicle and he took me in to see that it was empty except for a shelf with white latex gloves on I really started to panic. I tried to keep my panic under control though because there is nothing more suspicious than a person who is nervous. But SERIOUSLY who wouldn't be nervous after just entering Arabia then being pulled into a back room with latex gloves in plain view.
He searched my bag, flicked the pages of my passport, and looked through my wallet. I decided it was probably because he thought I looked fantastic and was therefore a partier, and therefore probably had drugs. So he asked my to drop my trousers. I did, and silently cursed myself at putting on my tight pink boxer-briefs before I had left. Why couldn't I have put something macho and manly on? Or maybe even something with a star and crecent moon on the buttocks. Maybe it would have garnered some sympathy. He may have thought the pink underwear to be non-threatening though, because he gave me a half-hearted pat-down and then said I could go. Masha Allah.