I have decided (rather modestly) to take it upon myself to begin the codification of the Modern English language.
I've just heard too much of the aged class (and a few other annoying individuals) who whine about the destruction or bastardisation of the English language. Of course the accused tend to be: A) KIDS TODAY; and B) The interwebs. This does my head in when people talk about this, because they don't seem to realise that the form the speak would be completely ridiculous to the English people before them spoke, and is beginning to sound more ridiculous now. Language evolves with society, and if you are moaning about the state of language today you are just a silly Albertasaurus wailing incomprehensibly in the face of an oncoming [insert apocalyptic disaster of your choice] asteroid.
So, I am going to be the provisional reconstructor of Modern English.
"the form of the English language spoken since the Great Vowel Shift in England, completed in roughly 1550."
There's a few reasons I don't like that. First, the 'Great Vowel Shift' sounds like something that would happen after eating a spoilt curry. I bet it was completed roughly. Second, that would mean modern English isn't actually very modern. Now, this means that we have to describe what we are speaking now as something other than Modern English, which pisses me off because if what I'm speaking [typing] now is not Modern English, and if I want to define what I'm speaking [typing] now, then I have to make up a new name for it.
Like modern literature - for some reason, in the 40s, literature became modern. Then, in the constant one-up-personship of academics, the newly literate intelligencia had to create post-modern literature, and add a prefix just to prove that they were doing something new. Unfortunately post-modern literature tends to be defined by being meaningless, pointless, and based on individual interpretation. Which basically means there is no crap - what you read is just a reflection of your thought processes. Which is a great excuse for people to write crap.
(And I don't mean to sound so harsh, because we now know that we evolved with pigs, from a common ancestor, so there is no shame in rolling around in the literary filth of one's own species anymore - in fact, it's natural and encouraged!)
But my point is, I don't want to wholly redefine what 'Modern English' is to describe it. I can't call it post-modern English, and I don't want to describe it by adding loads of extra words. The other option is to think of some cute, punny word. Perhaps E-volutionary English, to describe the transformations of the modern English language that have resulted from internet technology. But, if I did that I would risk sounding like a trite twat.
So I'll be going with Mod English. I think it fits perfectly for a number of reasons. Maybe I'll describe them more fully later - but I've deviated from my important point enough (for now).
The plan is not to reinvent language, because for all the changes that the internet has precipitated for language the general structure the same. The meaning of punctuation, and the construction of a sentence is no different - but new methods of communicating, like email, Facebook and Twitter mean that how language is used, and the 'words' used are -- interesting. And it's very important to stress that just because a new word, or meaningful unit (morpheme) is NEW doesn't mean it's wrong.
If you don't know your lol from you wtf, that doesn't mean it's some horrible destruction of language, it means that you haven't been keeping up with language or culture. But don't worry - because you CAN! And if you've been ending your emails with a "LOL", sincerely trying to virtually send "Lots of love", then I will be the one too bluntly tell you that you've been an absolute fool. You haven been concluding your emails by conveying amusement. Your LOL actually means something like "Laugh out loud", or maybe "Lots of laughs". To be honest it doesn't even matter anymore, because LOL/lol is just an expression of amusement. Lol is 'hahaha'.
So if you've been signing emails with a lol, you have either been continually self deprecating, or mercilessly mocking. And, I've received some of these emails - don't worry, I was forgiving, since they have all been from the aged class. I am nothing but forgiving when it comes to these simple folk.
AND THIS IS WHY it's important that I write this! Some parts of Mod English tend to be constant - lol is now firmly entrenched - but others are transitory. New words, and word forms, are constantly appearing but most quickly disappear. So which are safe for polite society? Which are appropriate for impolite society? Which can we hope to use for a long time, and what should we be conscious of? What is the difference between lol and LOL? What is the appropriate form for beginning an email? How much proper grammar is necessary in a Facebook status? How much 'proper' English can be omitted when you're being a twat and twittering? How can regular punctuation be reconstructed to convey emotion :)?
That's what THIS is about. Covering specific subjects (like particular acronyms), and general areas (email etiquette). Everything. As much as I can get to - and as this is a blog, and I'm not dead yet, there is always more time!
I would also like some feedback on this - comments/criticisms/questions about individual topics - ideas for important areas to cover, then please comment! That's part of what Mod English is - it's made by communication, not dictionaries.
